rollercoaster ride for one please

I got an update from the program yesterday. Well, I wouldn’t call it an update as it was more of a “explain yourself” notification.

Can I just say, I’m starting to reveal more and more about myself on this blog.

Anywho, back to the topic — I received an email in the morning about my transcript. All of my documents checked out, however my transcript had detailed information on the academic hell hole I dug myself into during my sophomore/junior year. Although the program acknowledged that I definitely made a change in my grades afterwards, they wanted me to explain why exactly I seemed to have failed at life back in 2006.

I can’t explain to you how sensitive that time was for me. I really went through this period of my life where I couldn’t understand how I got to such a point where I felt like I just threw my future away. It was really a slap in the face and for the first time, I was embarrassed to be ME. Yet, it was also was the most maturing point of my life as well — since then, I swore that I deserved to do better for myself and I learned the most important lesson to date.

YOU CAN’T COUNT ON ANYONE BUT YOURSELF AND ONLY YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE WAY YOUR LIFE ENDS UP.

I pushed really hard and refocused all my energy into making my way through college. I finally (yes! finally) chose a major, made great grades, got back my financial aid, made dean’s list, made connections, became resourceful, and graduated. It was really one of my greatest achievements and I would probably beat anyone up who thinks otherwise. LoL.

So, when I received that email, I literally had a complete mood change. I was upset. Not because they questioned me (I understand it), but because I realized that I could probably never escape my mistakes from four years ago. Everything that I did to make up for that time could not erase that I did do so horribly.

I ended up writing her a very, very long email explaining my whole situation. I could only hope that the program would be understanding. Now, the teaching abroad programs are not really known to hold GPA to a high degree — however, I read in several forums that government programs like EPIK/SMOE use it to weed out the larger population of applicants.

Luckily, I got a email from my program coordinator later that day stating that she appreciated my explanation and was going to continue to recommend me for a position.

So, a rollercoaster ride indeed. I went from tears in the morning to overwhelming relief. I really wonder why I want this position so badly?

Well, I’m already all in.

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