stuck

I think I’m just going to be realistic and honest with myself. I suck at blogging! Haha. I was thinking about deleting it all together, but I feel like theres no harm in keeping it up for now. I keep hoping that I will get better at updating.

I don’t know if I wrote this before, but every time I come here to update — I reread previous entries. I just did that before I decided to conjure up a new post and dang, some of my most recent ones make me cringe! Hhahaaha. I decided to just keep them up as well since I feel like I should respect how I felt at that certain time and how I chose to be a little too honest with what was going on in my life. Ugh, but dang, I cringe for real.

A lot has happened since January. I visited two countries, got consumed + wrapped up in emotions I’ve never felt before, and started to realize that my journey in Korea is coming to an end. I feel unstable right now and unsure of how I feel or how I’m supposed to feel. I guess I will start with a quick recap … real real quick!

February – The girls that I truly treat like my second family came to stay with me in Korea. We were to spend a week in Korea and then headed over to Thailand together for another week. On paper, it was a great plan and I was truly excited for them to come all the way from the states to visit me. In reality? Wow, I never expected our week in Korea to turn out so full of clashing personalities. Even in 6 months, I hadn’t realized how much I had changed and that they had as well. Glad to say we worked it out, but it took us till the last day in Korea to finally blow up at each other and say what we’ve been feeling all along. It’s amazing though, because through it all, we only came out stronger and the trip to Thailand was a effing doozy. Loved it and love my girls even more. I also went to the Phillippines with my bestie VD for another week! It was the first trip that I had paid for entirely on my own and I never felt more satisfaction in my life! I mean, it was crazy. Everything I did there or spent there was because I could. The islands were great and it was one of my first traveling experiences where I went to a country that I didn’t have connections in already. I can’t wait to keep going to different places.

March – Finally started to go to work again! It was definitely hard to get in the groove of things since we were on vacay for over a month. This my 4th week teaching and it already feels like it’s been 2 months. I do think that teaching with kids from the beginning of the school year (Korea starts in march and ends in dec) is so much better! Coming in halfway in the year in August was a complete disaster. I mean, I feel like I did the best I could, but the kids are more responsive + respectful when you’re in the long haul with them. I also turned 25! EEK (another post about that later)

Right now, I feel very … numb and indecisive about everything. I keep second guessing myself and I feel like my confidence is decreasing. Not my self-esteem because I will always think of myself as superawesomewtfsocool, but I hate that I’m not confident enough to decipher my own feelings or be confident in my choices right now.

For my birthday present to myself, I went to stay at a temple for 2 days and a night. I felt like I was kind of wading around with no direction and I know myself — I always get a little down after I celebrate a birthday. The best part was having one on one time with a monk. I got to ask questions that have been bothering me for some time now. He was so direct that I just embraced his advice in its entirety. I won’t say what it was because I think it was something that I really felt that I (ME) needed to hear.

I will share the one word he said that surprised me = Wait ❤

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